I had a moment of triumph this week. Had me still smiling later that day while listening to my demo, driving around in my truck. If only for a moment I achieved that elusive thing—Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (Devo too) couldn’t get it but I did—satisfaction. I finished a song that’s been bouncing around in my head for at least 7 or 8 years. It’s called “Only Our Shadows” and here’s its story.
I was inspired by the Toni Morrison book, Beloved. Specifically chapter 4 in which Morrison has three main characters (a man, a woman, and her daughter) walking to a carnival. Their shadows appear to be holding hands, though in the physical world they are not. In a book about trauma and tragedy it is a positive moment of hope. An image of what might be for these three people. They might be a family. Only one of the characters, Sethe, notices and she decides it’s a “good sign. A life. Could be.” Morrison mentions the hand-holding shadows several times in this chapter as the characters enjoy an evening at the carnival. Then “…on the way home, although leading them now, the shadows of the three people were still holding hands”. Beautiful stuff.
I pretty much much wrote the song with different scenes of people walking along in situations where they would cast a shadow. And like the Morrison novel the shadows appear to be holding hands. My narrator wonders “is it only our shadows / falling in love / is it only me / is it both of us / is it only our shadows?” I wanted the song to be full of doubt with a dash of hope. I think I struggled more with the rhythm of the song and the arrangement than with the lyrical content. I actually tried it out a few years back with Tom O’Grady and Matt Maciolek from the Dipsomaniacs but nothing ever came of it. For some reason it popped into my head the other morning. I found it in my songwriting notebook, wrote a 3rd verse and came up with a really simple strumming pattern that worked for me. The demo recording here was made that morning, me singing into my phone. Satisfaction! Hoping to work this in to some SF practices so it can be a contender for the next Successful Failures album (#12!). Here’s the song.
Only Our Shadows Walking along while the sun shines on our backs Walking along the rusty railroad tracks Is it only our shadows? Walking along under the glow of an old street light Walking along on a cold New Jersey night (might change to “November night”?) Is it only our shadows? Is it only our shadows falling in love Is it only me, is it both of us Is it only our shadows? Walking along while the moon shines through the clouds Walking along like I knew you now Is it only our shadows? Is it only our shadows falling in love Is it only me, is it both of us Is it only our shadows? Is it only our shadows holding hands? Is it only our shadows making plans? Is it only our shadows together again? Is it only our shadows?
Of course Toni Morrison couldn’t let her readers feel hopeful for very long. It is right after this scene that the character “Beloved” appears on Sethe’s doorstep. Beloved is the fully grown ghost of the baby child that Sethe killed (rather than have the child captured by slave catchers and taken back to Kentucky where they had escaped from). It gets weird. Beloved reeks some havoc and Sethe has to figure out how to exorcise her demons. All I can say is it takes a village.
This is the second song in which some lyrical content was inspired by Toni Morrison. The other being “The Shit That Weighs You Down” from our 2017 album Ichor of Nettle—that line comes from the book Song of Solomon—my favorite TM novel. I can’t believe that Toni Morrison’s books have been banned in military academies recently by the directive of defense secretary Pete Hegseth in an attempt to “remove any readings that focus on race, gender, or the darker moments of American history”. How back asswards is that? Makes no sense unless you live inside a George Orwell novel (or some real-life totalitarian state, uhm). Ironically Toni Morrison was invited to speak at West Point in 2013 where she “read passages from ‘Home,’ her novel about a Black Korean War veteran struggling with PTSD and his return to a segregated America. More than 1,500 cadets attended.” And now her books aren’t even allowed to be read there? Times sure have changed and not in a good way.
Of course TM has been banned on the state level too in places like Florida for example. Like my song, this all has me feeling a lot of doubt—trying to keep that dash of hope alive and flickering! Hope you do too.
Have a nice weekend and thanks for reading and listening to my song. - Mick
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